I don't care how cute they are. I don't care that the word's an endearment to some. No one is allowed to call my kid "monkey."I just had one of those weird moments as an African American parent, where I had to shut down someone who meant well before they did any lasting damage to The Boy.
Today The Boy and I encountered someone who loves The Boy to pieces, someone who likes to steal kisses from his cheek, tickle him and generally tell him he's adorable. But this morning, she ran her fingers through The Boy's curls and greeted him with, "Hi, monkey!"
And instantly my brain broke in half. One half said, "it's just an endearment!" while struggling to block the other half from attacking the speaker. But the other half got free and, showing some restraint, opened my mouth to say, "I'd really appreciate you not calling him that."
The speaker was surprised (she's kinda young) and said, "Really?" "Anything but that," I replied. And the world continued spinning on its axis.
It's clear that she meant no harm, but she's also old enough to learn equating African Americans to monkeys is enough to get you sent to HR for a talking-to, at the very least. You don't have to look too far into the past to find someone calling black people monkeys. Go back, oh, less than a month.
Woman protests racial slur on t-shirts sold at bar in background.Photo credit: Frank Niemeir, Atlanta Journal Constitution
And yet I felt like I'd been slightly harsh today. Even though I was just deflecting an unacceptable comment away from The Boy. Man, I wish I could talk to my parents right now.
5 comments:
Yeah, but you're right to let her know right away so that the anger didn't get any bigger and have to come out somewhere else. You did good.
Remember that Howard Cosell created an uproar in 1983 when he said "look at that little monkey run" about Alvin Garrett of the Washington Redskins, an African American.
It was a term of endearment. He used it in reference to his white grandson too. Furthermore, major African American figures came to his defense: Muhammad Ali, Jesse Jackson, and even Alvin Garrett.
But despite Cosell and his supporters' claims that he didn't mean anything by it, the uproar persisted and he ended up leaving Monday Night Football two months later.
I agree. It's an unacceptable word. Period. Good for you to have spoken up. Now she knows, and will think again before she uses such an "endearment" for someone else's kid.
It doesn't really matter what a word might mean to some people -- if someone addresses your child in a way that's uncomfortable to you, you have the right to ask them to stop. If someone calls your child a cute little poodle, and you don't like that, you ask them to stop. You did good to say something to your friend.
You are the gatekeeper for your littles. You did the right thing. If she had called him a pet name that made you uncomfortable because it was goofy, or commented on the size of his feet and you didn't want him called out like that, you'd have stood up for him. This was something way bigger than that. Don't second guess yourself. You did what needed to be done. Better that you and she have a little discomfort than your son have that slip into his spirit.
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