There's no "I" in "team"

Wow, this episode of "Work of Art" is practically a how-to guide on how to work on a creative team. And how not to.

See how excited the Red Team (Cartoony Boy, Swanky, Goofy and Starvingartist) were to create a piece of public art? Led by Swanky, the ideas flew back and forth with very little posing or grandstanding. Even from Starvingartist.

Starving pointed out there should be no moveable parts (nothing to break down or get stolen, right?) and that it should be durable and "sit-on-able." They settled quickly on a design that echoed the gravel shapes in the park site, with the largest piece a geometric "rock" people could lean or lay on.

Even Tortured Artist is enthusiastic about the challenge -- look! He's conscious! Unfortunately, this is about the last moment you'll see the Newb and Tortured work together comfortably. Or with enthusiasm. See, already the Newb's arms are crossed defensively.

At first, I thought the Blue Team, led by Tortured, would be able to get over themselves and work together. Designated Hotness made an oblique apology to the Newb for their drama in a previous challenge. She even tried to help him save face by passing him a note that suggests a more constructive way to argue his ideas.

But the Newb is hugely insecure that he doesn't have an art school degree like the other three, and he was sure they were shutting him out and discarding his ideas. He's terrified he'll go home for not having contributed to the artwork.

So he swings back and forth between being offended and considering DH's note. He settles on whining that the other kids won't play with him. By the time they're banished to the stewing room, the rest of the Blues are so sick of the Newb they leave him to sulk by himself.

Contrast the Blues to the Reds, who all are eager to praise each other's contributions. Someone's goin' home, and it ain't anyone on the Red Team. It ain't Tortured, either, even though two other contestants besides the Newb commented on his melodrama.

You know what was the final irony? The losing team chose to face their artwork towards the most open patch of skyline, which turned out to be the area that used to be filled by the Twin Towers.

So what was the most cringeworthy moment for you in this ep? Tell the world in the comments section.

*squealing brakes* Whoa!

My favorite kind of art experience -- outside of making my own -- is the one on your way to somewhere else. The kind that makes you stop/pull over, check to see if you have time to linger, and then get closer.

I caught artist Allyce Wood mid-installation...

... creating a piece called "The Ancestor of the Irish Elk."

She slowed down a bit to explain the work briefly. (Sorry about the video orientation; oldish brain still learning how newish camera works.) Click to play the video.

Allyce just graduated from Cornish College of the Arts, which loans artworks from its annual Bachelor of Fine Arts exhibition to the the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center. You can see more of her work at Cornish and at the Catherine Person Gallery until early August.

This work can be seen all year round. Lucky for me, I was able to catch the artist's sister-in-law to ask for more information.

Yes, those murals are painted on the chimney...

and the broadside of Andrew Morrison's parents' house. He painted them more than ten years ago, for a high school senior project. But he still gets lots of people urging him to see this mural, not realizing he's the artist. He's gone on to create several other murals in Seattle and Washington state, many inspired by his Haida and Apache heritage.

How lucky am I, getting to see artwork on my way to work?

Get a move on!

Is this the face you want waking you up at 5:30am?

Inspector Clouseau The Designated Expert rousts everyone out of bed at an ungodly hour for their next challenge.

But it was totally worth the effort to get up so early... to do product placement for Audi.

It isn't all that different from pimping out the artists to get new book cover art. But I'm getting a little irritated at this direction "Work of Art" is taking.

The official assignment: create a piece that reflects their experience of driving the streets of Manhattan (to go  to Audi's big ol' showroom). Cartoony Boy, whom the show is leaning on more and more to narrate, said it best: it's really hard to produce something interesting when the topic is so vague. And that vagueness is overwhelming some artists, especially Starvingartist and Tortured Artist.

You knew that was going to be his way of dealing, didn't you? But it produces ideas the judges like. Maybe Starvingartist could use a nap too.

Concerned? A little bit hokey? Ringring... "Kettle, this is The Pot. You're black."

This week's guest judge, contemporary portraitist Richard Phillips, is suitably horrified by both, as are the regulars.

At the gallery, we see The Newb getting more paranoid about the competition, while Goofball goes "balls to the wall" trying something new (layers of paint instead of a photograph). The result is what Phillips calls "painterbation" (think self-satisfaction instead of communicating with the viewer). Weird White Girl has fun playing on the sound of the word "Audi" and 'Toony Boy gives us a race car driver who may or may not have sold out. All but three artists are sent home to live another day, not having repulsed the judges enough to be eliminated.

But once again, the judges luuuuurve Tortured -- and this time, Designated Hotness. Who of course made art about turning "the male gaze" away from her poor vulnerable implants and back upon itself. Don't get me wrong: the male gaze is an important feminist concept. But that's a tad self-delusional coming from someone who works with paint and other semi-toxic chemicals, yet exposes her cleavage to said toxins even when she covers everything else.

The Christian, who called DH on her attention-seeking, gets sent home. Starving barely escapes by the skin of his "narcissistic" teeth. DH gets immunity and proof that Her Art is Really Meaningful.

Join the party, y'all! Tell me what you thought about the episode, in the comments.

Shocker.

If you have to create "shocking art" on demand, then aren't you just making a faux-edgy ad campaign?

In last night's ep, Switzerland minced in, wearing heels with a six-year-old's party dress, and told the "Work of Art" contestants they'd have to create "a shocking piece of art." And to judge the shock value:

Andres Serrano (on the right), the creator of "Piss Christ." You remember that, don't you?


Obviously "shocking" means different things to different people, which gave Bravo a chance to highlight the Christian.

She drew a cartoon version of the Last Supper, with the "apostles" holding weapons and generally sinning all around a horrified Jesus. The Christian's piece was a commentary on hypocrisy in the evangelical community (she's from Oklahoma). But ya know... most people raised outside of the Bible Belt just aren't really shocked by that. Really, there aren't many inside the Bible Belt shocked by it either.

And how many of you are shocked by Designated Hotness' never-ending quest to exploit her nudity? The photos only became interesting when the Newb suggested giving viewers Sharpies to scrawl graffiti on the photos. Here's a shocker: DH took credit for the Newb's idea.

Once again, Tortured Artist and Cartoony Boy had attention-getting pieces. Tortured... added something of himself to a piece inspired by his first erection. Watching Disney's "The Little Mermaid."

But finally -- finally! -- 'Toony Boy's talent elbowed aside Tortured's personal drama. He created "I.E.D": a piece depicting young black men raised in chaotic homes as "improvised explosive devices" ready to go off in a 'post-racial' society. The judges loved how the piece became more disturbing the more they thought about its story.

'Toony makes some amazing stuff for someone who's barely 23. But youth was also the underlying problem with most of the pieces. Something that shocks a 24-year-old (at least, one who's had a childhood free of serious abuse and neglect) will barely nudge the sensibilities of 50-something art critics.

Which was why this challenge was really difficult for The Only Gay in the Village.

But the judges thought TOGV's sexuality should've been part of the discussion. They said his piece would have been shocking only if he'd photographed himself in the position he chose to paint. Considering the position (see it on Bravo's site), they had a point.

But there was no discernible point Nao/Now's performance art. It was just a literal and figurative mess. And she can't be excused by her youth: she's twice as old as 'Toony Boy. So in ep 4's double-elimination, the judges sent home Nao/Now... and TOGV. Totally deserved on her part, not so much for TOGV. The Christian should've been sent packing instead.

Come on -- you know Americans are satire-impaired! How are we going to recognize earnest religious commentary without lots of signposts?! Post your thoughts on this ep in the comments section.